Mindset, Unusual Connections and Finding Ways Forward

What do you do when you lose what feels like everything?

What do you focus on when you feel like nothing is in your control?

How do you react?

What emotions show up?

How quickly do you bounce back and what are values that you live into in order to find ways forward during the face of adversity.

When it comes down to it, what really matters?

Just when I thought the COV-19 experience had taught me a lot, the universe believed it was time for me to learn another one.

My partner David and I moved to Vancouver, Canada in June 2020. Our plans were to relocate early 2020 but after months of waiting to relocate to our dream city, we were ecstatic (after two weeks in quarantine) to finally embrace the opportunity and culture this city can offer.

Having found the perfect apartment, we were all set to move in. We had our bags all packed with everything that we owned in our car, and in a few hours- we’d be signing contracts and settling into our new place.

We headed back up to the apartment to give it a once over and carry down our final 2 small bags.

When we returned to the car, we found it empty.

There was nothing left. Everything we owned was gone- the family photos, the sentimental jewellery, our clothes, our photo albums, our new IKEA bedding, our shoes.

All gone.

We literally only had the clothes on our back and my backpack- which contained our passports and documents and my laptop.

So, how do you react when what seems like everything is gone?

Well, I went straight into problem-solving mode. Making phone calls, knocking on doors, requesting camera footage and calling our insurance providers.

I decided in that moment, that even though it felt like I had lost all control, I was still in control. I was in control of how I reacted to the situation. I was in control of my emotions and my mindset.

As a coach, mindset, emotional agility and resilience are all topics my clients and I explore frequently together.

It doesn’t matter what you do, or what you want to achieve- these are topics invariably come up and are foundations in achieving our own success.

When I called one of my dearest friends, she noted how relatively calm I was about the whole situation and I was. I felt a sense of calm amongst the chaos, and I knew, that no matter what, we’d be okay.

If this situation had happened 5, or even 2 years ago, I’m not sure my reaction or resilience would be the same.

In fact, I know it wouldn’t.

Yes, I guess it’s part of getting older and more mature. It’s part of the life lessons I’ve learned along the way, but it’s more than anything- it’s the work I’ve done on myself.

In training as a coach, and continuing to upskill as a coach I’ve learned coping mechanisms that work for me. In committing to being coached extensively, I choose to continue to identify my blind-spots and step into the arena of vulnerability.

In being so uncomfortable with starting and growing a business and especially this year more so than ever- I’ve started to understand how to feel calm in the midst of change and uncertainty.

So, there we were, in the middle of a new city with all our possessions gone.

We didn’t care about the clothes or the shoes that were taken, we only cared about one particular piece of jewellery which is a family heirloom. It was (and still is) the only thing we wanted back. Nothing else mattered.

We didn’t know anyone in the city yet. We had plans to meet people once we were settled, but we hadn’t properly connected with anyone yet to call them and tell them what had happened.

My boyfriend David, instantly said he needed to speak to a guy called Robert- one of the few people we knew in this new city.

Robert, is a homeless man that we met on several occasions on our evenings walks.

We had chatted with him in the evenings, bought him food and felt somewhat drawn to him for a reason we didn’t quite know.

It seemed we had more in common with him than we realised.

Deciding to speak to the only person we actually knew in the city, we landed at Robert’s tent with breakfast and coffee for him. We explained what had happened to us and he immediately jumped up and offered to help us.

He walked the streets with David, to help him look out for our suitcases. He told him which pawnshops to call and what the process of these thieves usually looks like.

If the jewellery was to show up on the street, he would hear about it and let us know.

Here is this man, who literally has nothing offering us any help he can give us?

I looked into his bright blue eyes and I realised that this man had met us for a reason. Giving him food and some money over recent weeks felt like we could help him, but now he’s helping us.

Here we are in a new city, connecting with someone we never thought we would. That, for me, was one of the most humbling experiences of my life.

For a man that had very little, he offered us the kindest thing anyone could offer- his time and his help.

And just like everyone, Robert too, had a story. Taking the time to listen was an opportunity to once again learn and remember to give people the time to be heard.

Again, listening, a fundamental skill we develop as coaches. Listening to the stories, of what’s being said, and what’s not being said. Listening to the whole person.

So, why am I telling you this? Well, it’s only been a week since this happened and I want to write this from a raw vulnerable place- while I’m in the arena. I want to share my experiences so that others too might find ways to pluck learnings from their struggles.

So many people in my network have experienced challenging times this year, in business and in life. Taking time to reflect, on the lessons learned and using reframing techniques is a powerful way to move forward with learnings.

As a coach, I live in a space of vulnerability- with my clients, myself and at the heart of the work I do. That’s where we find our answers, that’s where we learn best.

I’m excited to add further depth to my coaching conversations through this experience. I’m so incredibly grateful for what I do have.

In a nutshell, my key learnings from this experience are…

1. I’ve learned once more that connection, relationships, love, and kindness- they are the things that have kept and will continue to keep me going. These are the things that truly matter in life.
2. People will surprise you both in bad and good ways, but the latter is where your attention should go.
3. Meaningful relationships have the power to transform everything. It always starts with the relationship you have with yourself in order to build meaningful relationships with the rest of the world. Whether that’s a facetime with my Dad, a Zoom call with my amazing team member Katherine or a call with my own coach, Maureen.
4. Everyone has a story- an ever-evolving story and we’re all connected through the ebbs and flows of those stories. Listening to each other is at the heart of connecting those stories.
5. Ask for help.

So network, what are the lessons that you’ve learned from your struggles and how can you bring those lessons forward with you in your work?